The Unreasonable Husband

Some women are unfortunate in finding that their husbands fail to practice Islamic teachings and indulge in various sins which have adverse effects on the marriage and on herself or the children.

Under these circumstances the wife should try to advise and correct him tactfully but firmly - not by nagging or starting a quarrel but in a quiet heart-to-heart talk. However if the husband's response is negative or even aggressive, the wife should seek the assistance of relatives or, if none is available, his close friends, or a respected alim (religious scholar) in persuading him to behave in a responsible manner.

If all fails she may be best advised to take this matter to a Shari'ah court'. If the husband is found to be guilty of certain types of offences or misbehaviour which violate the requirements of marriage the wife may be granted a divorce by the court. If she does not have enough legal evidence or witnesses of his misbehaviour she may decide to request for Khul' (that is, divorce by mutual agreement with the husband on the return of all or part of the wife's dowry). Allah says in the Qur'an:

"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such a settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. And if you do good and practise self-restraint, Allah is acquainted with all you do." (Qur'an, Surah An-Nisa’, 4:128)

Divorce is disliked in Islam, and the Prophet warned against "the tasters-male and female", i.e. those who frequently marry and divorce trying one partner after another. He also said:

"Of all the things Allah has made lawful, what He most hates is divorce." (Hadith from Abu Dawud)

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) also is reported to have said:

"If a woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, the scent of paradise will be forbidden to her." (Hadith from Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah)

Nevertheless divorce is available in the final resort if a marriage is harmful to either partner or cannot give satisfaction or peace of mind to either of them.

If the wife for some reason does not wish for divorce in spite of her husband's misbehaviour, she should be careful to avoid becoming an accomplice in is evil-doing. Allah says:

"O you who believe! Fulfil all obligations… and help one another in righteousness and piety, but do not help one another in sin and rancour. Mind Allah; for Allah is strict in punishment." (Qur'an, Surah Al-Ma’idah, 5:1-2)

In another words a wife is responsible for her own actions and cannot push off the blame for her own sins on to her husband. If her husband is for example a drunkard she should not join in his drinking or buy or serve him with alcoholic drinks, even if he orders her to do it. This is in accordance with the Hadith that there should be no obedience to a created being in disobedience to the Creator. If the husband tries to force her to join him in wrong doing she should seek divorce, and a Shari'ah court is bound under these circumstances to order a divorce. The follows the same principles as the duty of Hijrah (Emigration) for a Muslim if he or she is prevented from practising the essentials of Islam. Those who choose to stay in a place where they or their families are likely to lose their faith and become a part of a corrupt society will be asked on the Day of Judgment why they did not migrate to a place where they would be free to practise their religion. "Was the earth not wide enough for you to move your selves away (from evil)?" (Qur'an, Surah An-Nisa’, 4:97)

In the same way the ideal wife who has an un-Islamic husband should:

(a) counsel him against his wrong-doing;

(b) abstain from supporting him in wrongdoing.

(The example of such a woman mentioned in the Qur'an is Asiya the wife of Pharaoh - one of the women promised Paradise while her husband as a great tyrant was destined for hell.)

(c)  seek divorce if the only alternative is to be dragged into sin by the husband.

However if the wife's circumstances are such that she cannot break free of the marriage, she should take consolation from the Qur'an verse which says:

"Allah does not place on any soul a burden greater than it can bear."

In this case she should at least continue to hate the sin in accordance with another Hadith:

"If any of you sees wrongdoing he should correct it with his hand, and if that is not possible he should correct it with his tongue, and if that is not possible he should hate it in his heart and that is the weakest of faith." (Hadith from Muslim)

On the Day of Judgement every husband and wife will stand alone and Allah knows best what is in the heart.

*A Muslim wife living in a country where Shari'ah courts of family law do not exist may face problems over these issues. In some area; there are Councils of Islamic Scholars who meet to hear marital dispute and give rulings in accordance with the Shari'ah, but unless they have authority backing as courts they have no power to enforce attendance or compliance with their judgements. They rely on moral force and acceptance by the Muslim Community.