My problem is silence and inelegance

As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

In the beginning I would like to welcome you in the site and thank you for choosing Alukah for answering your question. I ask Allah (may He be Exalted) to make us a cause in solving your problem and removing the worries of the distressed, for He is All-Hearing, All-Responding.

Dear questioner, that can be deducted from your letter is the lack of your self-esteem causing the decrease of self-confidence in general. That is the main reason for all the problems you mentioned, whether the lack of love from others, your lack of fluency, and your hatred to college which caused you to blame yourself and even hate yourself. This is the condition of your inner emotions but this did not extinguish positiveness and readiness for the needed change represented in your continual reform tries, frequent search for a solution, and consulting counselors. These are praised matters, counted for you, and I wish that you reinforce them and hold them.

Dear Muslim sister, your knowledge of these causes is a very important matter because indicating that your problem is because of your voice or shape is a result of the confused and untruthful ideas which the self receives through wrong analysis, then adopts it as if they were true.

Look around you: How many people who do not have beauty but they gain the love and respect of the people around them after discovering the beauty of their inner self.

The human situations —which individuals, who enjoy self-contentment and self-appraisal,— make them special and full of appreciation to others because of the human situations; including behaviors, speech, and even gestures are just a mirror that reflects the inner self of a person which is the command center. Therefore, if a person is self-content, he will be as such to others.

Therefore, I advise you, dear sister to drew near to Allah (may He be Exalted), not only through more acts of worship but through thinking about the favors and blessings you have. Furthermore, busy yourself with comparing the favors and blessings you have to the favors which other people were deprived of, and confirm thinking by thanking and invoking Allah to increase your guidance and strength.

I also advise you to exercise the hobbies that you can always do for sport is one of the important methods that direct negative feelings which comes after a deep thinking for the sport you love and feel comfortable with. Likewise, you should think about our real abilities that negative feelings covered as well as its consequences. Dear Muslim sister, know that every person has positive capabilities and powers that can change a person's life toward advancement and promotion if a person knows its ways. As for the problem of fluency, it is not insolvable problem because it is simply a problem of acquired reasons. Their reasons in general are inner feelings resulting from the lack of sound situations during the rearing process which offers experiences of the way of talking and communication with others. However, this can be solved by training based on calm and confident psychology, therefore psychological change is an essential matter.

I also advise you as well as all people, who suffer the same symptoms, to recite the Qur'an aloud in a private place. I also advise you to memorize poetry and read it in a private place. Moreover, you can see the booklets or sites that offer explanation and guidance on the methods of communication with others, In addition to benefiting from serious and positive forums on the Internet to communicate with girls and talk to them as a first step for training.

Finally, I invoke Allah (may He be Exalted) to reform your conditions, grant you self-contentment, and benefit people from you; for He is All-Hearing, All-Responding.