As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
My father claims that he does not have money and he is unable to do anything for us. When my mother wanted to travel to have an operation, he said: I do not have money for that. In my sister's wedding, he said: I do not have money for that; so we borrowed money from our relatives.
The problem is that my father -may Allah forgive him- has a lot of money and participate in major projects with millions or more, but when we say to him: We want money to buy something, he says: I do not have money for that.
Praise be to Allah, we have properties but he refuses to sell part of it and keeps in dealing in illusive projects. We advised him to engage into commerce but he ended discussion.
Could you kindly advise?
All praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah and those who follow him.
Wa `Alaykumus-Salam war-Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh (peace be upon you). I ask Allah (may He be Exalted) to grant you and us of His Great Bounty and to make us dispense with His Unlawful matters. It seems to me from your message that your father is miser because he does not play his due roles in spending on you but prefer to participate in projects instead of spending on you. There is no doubt that miserliness is disliked by people of pure instinct and those who love to spend desist from it. Therefore, Allah (may He be Exalted) dispraised it in more than one place in His Glorious Book. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "And let not your hand be tied (like a miser) to your neck." [Surat Al Isra': 29].
Allah (Exalted be He) says: "And let not those who covetously withhold of that which Allâh has bestowed on them of His Bounty (Wealth) think that it is good for them (and so they do not pay the obligatory Zakât). Nay, it will be worse for them; the things which they covetously withheld shall be tied to their necks like a collar on the Day of Resurrection." [Surat Al `Imran: 180].
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to seek refuge in Allah from miserliness. He said: "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from laziness, I seek refuge with You from cowardice, I seek refuge with You from old age, and I seek refuge with You from miserliness." [Sahih Al Bukhari]. Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "A time will come to people where miserliness prevails: The well-to-do people hold hard with [their properties] that he has in his hand while he was commanded to do so. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "And do not forget liberality between yourselves." [Surat Al Baqarah: 237].
Islam exhorted Muslims to spend on their families because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A dinar you spend in Allah's Way, a dinar (gold coin) you spent to free a slave, a dinar (gold coin) you give in charity to a needy person, and a dinar you spend to support your family; the greatest reward is for the dinar which you spend to support your family." [Sahih Muslim].
Therefore, I advise you with the following:
First, you should behave well in the monies that you get and do not spend them except in necessary items and keep away from buying luxuries.
Second, If your father continues not to spend on you or meet your basic needs, a wife may take part of his money without his knowledge according to her needs. It was reported that Hind bint `Utbah said: "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan (her husband) is miser and does not give me sufficient money for me and my children but I take from him without his knowledge. Thereupon he said: Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable." [Sahih Al Bukhari].
Third, try to seek the help of experienced people whom you trust so that he would speak with your father about how to choose successful projects which shall bring about great benefit and make him avoid serious loses which he faces frequently -according to your view- during his life.
Fourth, Write some reported narrations about the excellence of spending on the family, and it is possible to seek the help of what is reported here, then place them in a place where your father can see, and you shall see a positive effect in his feelings and behavior.
Fifth, observe patience and leniency in dealing with your father. By good manner and dealings, you shall get what you want. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Kindness is not found in anything but it adorns it and is not missed from something but it defames it." [Sahih Al Jami`].
Sixth, do not neglect invocation, seek the help of Allah (may He be Exalted), and invoke Him to expand the heart of your father's heart to you, soften it, and ask him to expand your sustenance.
I ask Allah (Glory be to Him) to reform the relationship between you and send goodness to you in abundance.