My wife has left home several months ago and she did not come back without justification except the incitation of her mother who set some conditions that are not harmonious with the Shari`ah. Moreover, she insulted my family during that period and she caused me to lose a lot of money where she was supposed to travel to me and I prepared all the needed papers, tickets, and a lodge and paid a lot of money and I changed the lodge which she did not like in addition to hiring another lodge with a friend of mine. My wife was pregnant and when I came back home, she asked me to pay all the expenses of her staying at her mother during that period and refused to pay anything, does she has the right to do so? Taking into consideration that those expenses were exaggerated and do not cope with my low income. Could you kindly advise whether she has the right to take that money or not? And should I ask her to pay the money which I lost because of her refusal to travel despite the fact that she insisted to travel then refused? Could you kindly advise, may Allah reward you.
Praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and his Companions: In the beginning, I would like to identify the meaning of "Nushuz" [i.e., not obeying the commands of a husband] because it is a cause for overlooking the wife's alimony, but if she is nursing a child or baby, she will have an alimony. Nushuz is an act of disobedience to the husband while she is commanded to obey him by marriage. Examples of Nushuz: A wife refuses to have sexual intercourse with her husband. A wife comes out of home without his permission. A wife refuses to move to live with her husband or refuses to travel with him; in all the previous cases she has no right to ask for alimony according to the general opinion of scholars. As for the your wife's salary, it is not hidden from you that a wife's going out for work is not obligatory, as she is not entitled to spend on her husband or her children according to the people of knowledge because of Allah's Saying: "But the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis." [Surat Al Baqarah: 233].
Allah (Exalted be He) says: "Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allâh has given him." [Surat At-Talaq: 7].
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable." [Reported by Al Bukhari].
If a wife loves to work willingly after the permission of her husband, the salary she takes shall be her own money and it is not the right of a husband to take it against her will because of Allah's Saying: "But if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful)." [Surat An-Nisa': 4]. This praised cooperation between the spouses is one of the most important bond between the spouses to strengthen intimacy, love, and the continuation of their marital life without troubles.
As for the costs of your wife's birth or any expenditure on her build, they are obligatory on you. If you feel that the sum of money is exaggerated, ask her and search to know the real cost and you should not pay more. If she refuses to obey your orders or travel with you, there is no alimony for her but she should have the expenditure she spent on your child and the costs of birth, and you do not have the right to demand her of what you lost. I advise you to talk to reasonable people from their relatives and yours perhaps Allah would reform your affairs and observe patience because you have children. It was reported in Sahih Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another."
Try to speak directly to her and direct her for you are responsible for her and you have rights over her as Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "But men have a degree (of responsibility) over them." [Surat Al Baqarah: 228]. Allah says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means." [Surat An-Nisa': 34]. Allah (may He be Exalted) spoke about rebellious wives when He says: "As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they obey you, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. * If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allâh will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allâh is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things." [Surat An-Nisa': 34 - 35].
First, admonition and reminding them of Allah (Glory be to Him).
Second, abandoning her in bed.
Third, beating her lightly.
Fourth, if she does not respond, two judges one of her family and one from his family should intervene for reconciliation.