A Realistic Approach to Married Life

This issue can be discussed under the following headings:

A. A realistic attitude towards the mahr, reception and gifts

There is no benefit in burdening the husband with extravagant mahr and imposing upon him to give a lavish wedding reception. In fact, it could very   well   be the downfall of many marriages. All expenses should be met according to the husband’s financial capability.  The wife (and  other  members of  the  family)   should not expect  the husband  to  spend  in excess  merely  because  he  is marrying her.

B. One of the  better  ingredients for  a happy  marriage,  on  the wife's   part,  is  not  to  pressure   her  husband   into spending money on things he cannot  afford.   There should be patience in difficult times and content in prosperous times. The worst thing a woman can do for her marriage is to rebel in money matters and create unnecessary division between them. The Prophet left his wives for a whole month when they demand better living standards from him. He remained apart from them until Allah revealed:

"O Prophet! Tell your wives:  'If you desire the life of this world and its lustre then come, I will give you some means   and then let you leave gracefully. But  if you desire  Allah  and  His  Messenger  and  the  abode of the Hereafter,  then  Allah   has  prepared,   for those  who  are good among you, a great reward…” [Surah al-Ahzaab (33), ayats 28-29]

So the Prophet chose them and they reciprocated.

The husband should also be considerate and be generous in spending. He should   avoid being stingy for that is condemned. Allah says:

"Let the wealthy spend from his wealth.  And those for whom Allah has restricted their provisions, they should spend from whatever Allah has given them.” [Surah at-Talaq (65), ayat 7]

C. Being realistic in expectations and avoiding fantasies

Very few people live up to this reality. Many couples paint a fantastic   picture    in their minds before marriage and assume their spouses to be something very similar to the spouses of Paradise. For that, they will have to wait. Moderate expectations from the spouse are commendable and each should try to accommodate the other's ideals as far as possible.  The Prophet   (Peace be upon him) said:  "A believing man should not condemn (a quality of) a believing woman.  If he dislikes one characteristic, 'he may well like another characteristic.” [Reported by Muslim]

This is how Allah has created human beings.  No one person is endowed with all the best qualities. A woman may be average in beauty but excellent in faith and personality.

If perfectionists stopped and thought for a moment, they would realise that they are unjust. Many of the perfections they seek do not exist in their own lives and personalities. People would like to see certain qualities in them (the perfectionists), just as they would like to find their match.   It may happen that a finicky person finds someone he likes after a very long wait, only to be turned down by the woman because she does not like what she sees. So they end up losing out in life totally. 

D. A realistic approach in asking for rights and fulfilment of responsibilities

Although the husband and wife both have rights, it is not proper that they violate each other's rights and demand unrealistic chores from each other.  They should be very considerate and lighten each other's burden as much as possible.