Cultivating the Characteristic of Obedience to Parents in Your Children

The Mercy and affection that the parents have for their children does not need explanation; as soon as one becomes a parent, his or her mercy, affection, kindness, care, dedication, and love towards his children begins. However, one's loving and caring for his or her children should not direct him or her to disregard Allah's Right or to be lenient with children where they should be firm. Allah has warned parents against the trial that their offspring represent for them: "Your wealth and your children are only a trial." [Surah at-Taghabun (64): 15]

Once Khalifah Hisham Ibn Abdul-Malik did not see his son among those attending the Friday prayer and questioned him about it, and his son replied that his mule could not carry him. Hisham said to him: "But you could have walked." Hisham forbade his son from riding a camel for a year, during which he had to walk to the Friday prayer. [Reported by Al-Bidaya wa-Nihayah, vol. 9, p. 396]

Umar Ibn Abdul Aziz was told that his son bought a ring for a thousand dirhams, he wrote to him: "I was told that you bought a ring that costs a thousand dirhams. So when you receive this letter, sell the ring and fill a thousand stomachs (with food bought) with that money. Then buy a ring for two dirhams that has a core of iron and have the following words scripted on it, 'May Allah grant His Mercy to he who knows the limits of his own self.'” [Reported by Madarij as-Salikin, vol.2, p.345]

This is how our ancestors trained their children to fulfill their Islamic duties and responsibilities. They used to follow their children and walk besides them, teaching, advising, directing and righteously rearing them. This is why their children were the comfort of their eyes, the relief of the hearts and the essence and core of the Muslim Ummah.

So, each of us is required to teach our children righteousness, teach them Allah's set limits, and warn them against the ways that lead to the displeasure of Allah. The parents should themselves also implement all what they desire to teach their children; for the child follows in the footsteps of the parents. When Malik Ibn Dinar saw a man pray improperly, he said: "I feel pity for his children!" He was asked: "He does not pray properly and you feel pity for his children?" Malik said: "He is their chief (or teacher) and they learn from him!" [Reported by Sifatus Safwah, vol.3, p.287]

This demonstrates the pivot role parents play in building the character of their children. If the parents are righteous and they teach righteousness and discipline to their children, this will influence the child's behavior to treat his parents with kindness in the future. So, if you are unkind and disobedient to your parents, you may receive the same treatment from your children in your old age. Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Allah defers (the punishment of) all sins to the Day of Resurrection except disobedience to parents, for which Allah punishes the sinner in this life before his death." [Reported by al-Hakim, on the authority of sound transmitters]

Similarly, if a person honors his parents, this may bring him good in this world through his children honoring and serving him in his old age for Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) is reported to have said: "If a young man honors an older person on account of his age, Allah appoints someone to show reverence to him in his old age." [Reported by At-Tirmidhee]