The True Muslim is an Ideal Husband (1/2)

The true Muslim abides by the clear, unambiguous texts of the Qur'an which command him to treat women fairly and decently. He cannot be other than an ideal husband, so his wife enjoys his gentle company and close companionship, no matter how long they stay together. When he comes home, he greets his wife and children with a smiling face and extends to them the blessed greeting that Allah has enjoined and made the distinctive greeting of Islam[1]:

“ . . . But if you enter houses, salute each other - a greeting or blessing and purity as from Allah . . .” (Qur'an, Surah An-Nur, 24:61)

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) encouraged Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) to use this greeting: "O my son, when you go home greet your family with salaam: it will be a blessing for you and your family."[2]

It is truly a great blessing for a man to meet his family with a pleasant greeting, for it contributes to a happy, friendly and pleasant atmosphere. He should lend a hand if he sees that his wife needs his help, and he should say some words of comfort if he feels that she is complaining of tiredness, weariness or boredom.

He should make her feel that she is living with a strong, generous, tolerant husband who will protect her and care for her, who cares about her and will meet all her legitimate needs as long as he is able. He should also satisfy her femininity by making himself attractive to her - within Islamic limits - and should give her a share of his time and interest.

He should not let his study, work, hobbies, responsibilities or friends take up all of his time and keep him from her. Islam guarantees woman's right to enjoy her husband to the extent that it even tells the husband not to spend Allah's time in worship, which is the best and most honourable of deeds, lest the balance and equilibrium upon which this religion is based be disturbed. We see this in the report of 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (may Allah be pleased with him), who says that when the Prophet (Peace be upon him) learned of his overzealousness in worship, he said to him:

´Have I not heard that you fast all day and stay up all night in prayer?' 'Abdullah said, ´That is true, O Messenger of Allah.' The Prophet (Peace be upon him) told him: ´Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, sleep and get up. For your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you, and your visitors have a right over you.’ (Reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

Khawlah, the daughter of Hakim, who was the wife of 'Uthman ibn Maz'un (may Allah be pleased with him), came to the wives of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) wearing a tattered dress and looking unkempt. They asked her, "What is wrong with you?" She told them about her husband: "At night he stays up in prayer, and during the day he fasts." They told the Prophet (Peace be upon him) what she had said, so when he saw 'Uthman ibn Maz'un, he admonished him and said, "Do you not have an example in me?" 'Uthman said, "Of course, may Allah cause me to be sacrificed for you!" Later, she (Khawlah) came back wearing fine clothes and with a pleasant scent. According to another report, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) told him: "O 'Uthman, monasticism has not been prescribed for us. Do you not have an example in me? For by Allah, I am the one out of all of you who fears Allah the most and keeps most strictly within His bounds."[3]

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) used to instil this guidance in his Companions and showed them how to achieve fairness and balance between their spiritual lives and their private lives with their spouses, until this fairness and balance became second nature to them. Then they would encourage one another to adhere to it, and would appeal to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) if one of their number sought to go beyond the limits and was becoming extreme in his asceticism, self-denial and worship.

Imam Bukhari narrated that Abu Juhayfah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

“The Prophet (Peace be upon him) established brotherhood between Salman and Abul Darda'. Salman visited Abul Darda' and saw Umm al Darda' looking unkempt. He asked her, 'What is the matter with you?' She said, 'Your brother Abul Darda' has no need of this world.' Abul Darda' came and made some food for him, and told him: 'Eat; I am fasting.' Salman said, 'I will not eat until you eat, so he ate. That night, Abul Darda' wanted to spend the night in prayer, but Salman told him to sleep, so he went to sleep. Then he wanted to get up, but Salman again told him to sleep. In the last part of the night, Salman told him, 'Now get up.' So they prayed, and Salman told him: 'Your Rabb has a right over you, your soul has a right over you, and your wife has a right over you, so fulfil your duty to each one who has a right over you.' Abul Darda' came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and told him about what had happened, and the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: 'Salman is right’.”

The conscientious Muslim does not neglect to relieve the tedium of routine life with his wife, so he spices their daily life with a little gentle humour and playfulness from time to time. In doing so, he follows the example of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) whose whole life is the highest example for us. Although he was constantly busy with the overwhelming task of laying the foundations of Islam, building the Muslim Ummah, directing the army in jihad, and numerous other concerns, he did not let that keep him from being an ideal husband to his wives, treating them in the best possible way, with a smiling face and a touch of gentle humour.

An example is the report given by 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) who said:

´I came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) with some harirah (a dish made with flour and milk) that I had cooked for him, and told Sawdah (may Allah be pleased with her) - as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) was sitting between me and her 'Eat.' She refused, so I said, 'Either you eat, or I will fill your face’. She still refused, so I put my hand in the harirah and daubed her face with it. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) laughed, put some harirah in her hand, and told her: 'Do the same to her' In another report: ´He lowered his knee (moved out of the way) so that she could get her own back on me, then she took some from the plate and wiped my face with it, and the Prophet (Peace be upon him) smiled.'[4]

Is this not an example of tolerance and an easy-going nature which makes a wife happy through a humorous and light-hearted attitude?

'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) also reported that once, when she went on a journey with the Prophet (Peace be upon him), she challenged him to a race, and won. Later, when she had gained weight, she raced him again, but this time he won, and told her, "This is for that."[5]

 (Continued)