The True Muslim is an Ideal Husband (2/2)

The generous-hearted Prophet (Peace be upon him) was so keen to make his beloved young wife feel happy that he would call her to enjoy some innocent kinds of entertainment that would gladden her heart. 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reports that on one occasion:

´The Prophet (Peace be upon him) was sitting, and he heard some noise from people and children outside. There was a group of people gathered around some Abyssinians who were dancing. He said, 'O 'A'ishah, come and see’, I put my cheek on his shoulder and looked through the gap. Then he said, 'O 'A'ishah, have you had enough, have you had enough?' I said, 'No, just to see how much I meant to him, and I saw him shifting his weight from one foot to the other' (i.e. he was tired, but he was willing to stay as long as she wanted to watch the spectacle.)[1]

In another report, 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:

´By Allah, I saw the Prophet (Peace be upon him) standing at the door of my room, when some Abyssinians were playing with spears in the mosque. The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) screened me with his cloak so that I could watch the spear play over his shoulder. He stayed there for my sake, until I had seen enough. So pay attention to young girls need for entertainment. (Reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

When he sees the example of the Prophet's (Peace be upon him) kind behaviour, generosity and good humour towards his wives, the true Muslim cannot but treat his wife kindly and gently, with an easy-going attitude, so long as this is within the limits of permissible and innocent entertainment.

The true Muslim does not overreact and become angry for trivial reasons, as many ignorant husbands do, creating uproar if their wives offer them food that is not to their liking, or their meal is a little late, or any of the other reasons which often cause an inordinate amount of anger, arguments and trouble between the spouses. The Muslim who is truly following the example of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) always remembers aspects of his character that remind him to be generous, kind and tolerant. So he remembers that one of the characteristics of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) is that ´he never criticized food. If he liked it, he ate it, and if he did not like it, he simply left it. (Reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

And he remembers that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) asked his family for some simple food he could eat with bread. They told him, "We have nothing apart from vinegar." He asked them to bring it and said, ´How good a simple food is vinegar, how good a simple food is vinegar.' (Reported by Muslim)

Let them listen to this hadith, those foolish husbands whose eyes flash with anger at their wives, mistakes, when their food is a little late or not to their liking. Their poor wives may have genuine, pressing reasons for making these mistakes, but these husbands become angry without caring to know those reasons, on the basis of an incorrect understanding of the phrase "men are qawwamun over women"!

The true Muslim husband does not stop at showing kindness and generosity towards his wife, but he extends his respect and kindness towards her decent (female) friends. This is in accordance with the practise of the Prophet (Peace be upon him). 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated:

´An old woman came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and he smiled at her, showed her respect, and asked her, 'How are you, How have you been doing?' She answered, 'I am fine, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you, O Messenger of Allah.' When she had left, 'A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said, ´Why did you welcome this old woman so warmly, in a way that you do not welcome anyone else?' The Prophet (Peace be upon him) replied, ´She used to come and visit us when Khadijah was alive. Do you not know that honouring the ties of friendship is part of faith?'[2]

A wife may become angry for any reason, and keep away from her husband, making him feel her anger. In this case, the Muslim husband responds with tolerance and kindness, based on his deep insight into the psychology and nature of woman, as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) used to treat his wives whenever they were angry with him and kept away from him all day until night fell.

'Umar ibn al-Khattab (May Allah be pleased with him) said: "We Quraysh used to have control over our women. When we came to Madinah we found a people whose women had control over them, and our women began to learn from their women. I used to live in al-'Awali, among Banu Umayyah ibn Zayd. One day my wife was angry with me, and was arguing with me. I did not like this, but she told me, 'Do you not like me arguing with you? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) argue with him. They get angry and keep away from him all day, until night falls!, So I went to see Hafsah and asked her, 'Do you argue with the Prophet (Peace be upon him)?, She said, 'Yes., I asked her, 'Do you get angry and keep away from him all day until night falls?, She said, 'Yes., I said, 'The one who does that is doomed to loss! Do you not fear the anger of Allah on the account of the anger of His Prophet? Soon you will be condemned! Do not argue with the Messenger of Allah, and do not ask him for anything. Ask me for whatever you need.," (Reported by Bukhari, Muslim, al-Tirmidhi and al-Nisa'i) 'Umar came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and told him about what had happened in his house, and the conversation he had with Hafsah, and the Prophet (Peace be upon him) smiled.

The Muslim should develop this tolerant attitude, so that he will be following the example of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) in his behaviour and deeds. Then he will be living proof that Islam is the religion of a superior lifestyle; and that the misery, disintegration, confusion and anxiety that individuals, families and societies are suffering from are caused by man's ignorance and misconceptions of the noble values promulgated by Islam. These are precious principles which, if adopted by the husband, would put an end to arguments and divisions in family life, and would bring peace, stability, happiness and security to the home.