As-Salamu `Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
I am 17 years old girl in secondary three. Allah granted me success and I got 99% in the first semester, and now we have begun the second semester. However, since the beginning of the second semester I noticed that my vigor goes down, and I started to hate my natural scientific specialty after I had been loving it.
Unfortunately, I gave up my goal which was (a physic scientist) and now I hate it, and when the teacher starts to explain a theory, I start get boring and say: This is bullshit and not real. I do not know what has hit me?!
I got depressed and started to cry without reason. I had the feeling to delay everything, had the desire to commit suicide, and life has no meaning to me as it has become ugly in my sight.
I sat with myself and started to analyze the reasons, assuming that my problem with a female student has led to the deterioration of my psychological status as they believe I admire a mannish female and ill-think of me. I feel pain whenever they look at me thinking that I am in love with her.
I do not know whether there is a relationship between that and my hatred to knowledge or not. I do not see a connection between them.
Could you kindly help? Had not it been that Allah prescribed a punishment to suiciders and I know that my mother will die for me, I would have committed suicide.
In the name of Allah, the one who guides to what is right.
As-Salamu Alaykum, this is the case of many ambitious people. Once they reach their goal, psychological pressure weakens the body, troubles the soul, distracts focus, and wanes away vigor, therefore, be aware of that stage and exert your efforts to restore your motive to success and recharge your academic energy to get the result you are looking for. Be confident, trust your abilities, sit with positive female students, and do not pay attention to all secondary issues related to your relationship with that mannish girl because it will consume your energy and waste your precious time.
As for the feelings of depression, you may come over them by supporting yourself by adding food full of vitamins (B12, C, D, OMEGA3, magnesium, and amino acids) to your main meals along with walking, meditation, and Salah.
Dear sister, your dream has not been lost, therefore hurry up to catch your course and focus on the goals of success and creativity. Seek the help of Allah and He shall help you and grant you success.
And Allah (Glory be to Him) is the Most knowledgeable of the Truth.