Rewards and Joys of Parenting

As with any responsibility, there are rewards and joys in being a parent. These rewards far outweigh the challenges, responsibilities, and efforts of parenting.  In fact, parenting holds some of Allah's greatest rewards on this earth:  unconditional love, bonding and human closeness, shared moments, a smiling face with loving eyes, and hugs full of love and care. Look into the eyes of your child, feel his or her skin, and listen to his or her voice, and you will understand the true beauty of this gift. It is as if Allah is giving us a little sample of heaven right here in this earthly life.

Above all, a devout parent will experience the gratification of watching his or her child grow into an obedient servant of Allah; a believer who will love and obey Allah and contribute to the society around him or her. This servant of Allah may also provide enduring good deeds to a parent's record through supplication. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “When a person dies, no good deeds will be added on his record except for three: continuous charity, beneficial knowledge, and a pious child who supplicates for him.” [Reported by Muslim] 

A pious child who supplicates is one of only three ways through which a person may acquire continuing good deeds for presentation on the Day of Judgment. All of the effort definitely pays off in the end.

Goals of parenting

How do parents save themselves and their children from the hellfire? How do they fulfil their responsibility before Allah? How do they achieve the bliss and happiness guaranteed for the obedient servants of Allah? What are the goals that they should have for their children? These points will be elaborated throughout this book. It necessarily begins by setting goals for ourselves and our children.

“And We had certainly given Luqman wisdom [and said:] Be grateful to Allah.  And whoever is grateful is grateful for [the benefit of] himself. And whoever denies [His favour] - then indeed, Allah is Free of need and Praiseworthy. And [mention, O Muhammad], when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him: O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allah. Indeed, association [with Him] is great injustice. And We have enjoined upon the human being [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and  to  your  parents;  to Me  is the  [final] destination.  But  if they endeavour to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge,  do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who tum back to Me [in repentance].  Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. [And Luqman said]: O my son, indeed if it [a wrong] should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted. O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination. And do not tum your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful. And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the braying of donkeys.” (Qur'an, Surah Luqman, 31: 12-19)

Luqman was a wise man whose insight was bestowed upon him by Allah. He taught this wisdom to his son for his benefit in this world and the world to come.  Understandably, priority was given to teaching tawheed and warning against polytheism, since this is the foundation of the Islamic creed. Following one's duty to Allah, he enjoined kindness and obedience to parents. This ingredient is critical in terms of parenting, for it eases the task when children assimilate this principle into their personalities.

After  informing   him  of  the  rights   due  to  Allah   and  parents through  the  expression of gratefulness, Luqman reminds   his  son  of the  awareness   of  Allah   (Glorified and Exalted be He)    in  all  matters,   public   and  private:

“O my son,  indeed  if it [a wrong]  should  be the  weight  of a mustard seed  and should  be within  a rock  or [anywhere]   in the heavens   or in the  earth,   Allah   will bring it forth. Indeed, Allah is Subtle and Acquainted.”  (Qur'an, Surah Luqman, 31: 16)

Allah  is aware  of all that  we do and  for this  reason  we  should have  fear  of  Allah.  We should also be cautious   about   taking   sins lightly.  The obligation    of performing prayer and observing it perfectly is then mentioned. He  encouraged    his  son  to enjoin  right conduct   and  forbid  wrongdoing,  to  be  patient   over  what  comes   to pass,  and  to  avoid  arrogance   and  boasting.

These few verses contain an abundance of wisdom for parents. From this, parents can delineate the important goals for their children:

• Belief   (Iman)   in  Allah   with   pure  tawheed   and  avoidance    of associating   partners   with  Allah

• Kindness, respect and obedience toward parents.

• Fear of Allah and awareness of His all-encompassing presence.

• Establishmentof prayer, on time and in the correct manner.

• Enjoining   what  is  right  and  forbidding what is wrong.

• Bearing life with patience.

• Humility and meekness.

• Moderation and avoidance of extremes.

In addition to these, the following may be added:

• Strength   in  belief   and  faith.

• Attachment  to the Qur'an  and authentic  hadiths.

• Love of and sincerity to Allah, His Messenger,  and His Book.

• Adherence  to the Sunnah  of the Prophet  (Peace be upon him).

• Understanding  of all things from the perspective  of Islam.

• Islamic personality,  values,  and identity.

• Equity  and justice  in dealing  with others.

• Kindness,  mercy and good character  towards  all people.

• Concern for the affairs of all Muslims (aid them, fulfil their rights).

• Inviting  others  to Allah and Islam.

• Pride in being Muslim.

Associated personality characteristics that would be desirable include the following:

• Self-confident and with positive self-esteem.

• Motivated.

• Responsible.

• Persistent, hard-working.

• Capable and skillful.

• Content and satisfied.

• Honest and trustworthy.

• Courageous.

• Leader.

The foundation of these goals is the development of 'aqeedah, Iman and fear of Allah.  In essence, the individual develops an Islamic personality and an Islamic identity. This becomes the centre of the heart and soul. All effort will be put forward to Jive a life of Islam, Iman, and Ihsan, True success will then be achieved in this life and the hereafter. In the end, the supreme goal for both parents and children is paradise.