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I feel complete failure because I did not give birth to children.

Prof. `A`ishah Al Hakamy

Published On: 24/7/2011 A.D. - 22/8/1432 H. Visited: 8061 times

Question

Peace be upon you!

My problem is: I did not give birth to children until now, taking into consideration that I have been married for five years. I always say to myself: This is a kind of sustenance which Allah did not ordain for me, so how to take what has not been written for me?!

However, I feel great pain in myself; I do not like to count my age and I do not like to think how many time elapsed while I am married.

I always think and I feel afraid that my husband would marry another woman, moreover I fear to grow up without having children. I am always sad and feel that I did not do anything in this life. I always ask my husband: If time went backwards, would you marry me? He replies: Yes, sure. However, I ask myself: What have I granted him so as to marry me? Nothing.

I am away to complete my study after I had been graduated from the university and now I complete my higher studies to MA, however, I am preoccupied and I have not felt comfort since the first month I was not pregnant and up to now.

Help me, I always think about my husband and about a speech which he once told me when he was mad, and up to now I did not forget because it affected me greatly and when I recall it, I feel very sad. He said to me: What have you done since our marriage? What have you achieved? I said to him: All people are like you. He said to me: At least, so and so have children, but what have I done? Nothing. Then, I could not speak, but I have never forgotten that speech.

Pardon me because my speech is not well-arranged, but help me please and supplicate Allah to grant me offspring sooner not later.

Answer

My dear sister, may Allah help you. As-salamu `Alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatuh (May Allah's Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!).

You did not tell us about the reason of your pregnancy delay and you did not mention anything about the procedures and examinations you did with your husband to know the reasons of pregnancy delay.

If you did not do any tests until now, you should move at once and pursuit the possible means because it is not part of being pleased with the fate of Allah (Glory be to Him) to sit and wait for children without taking actions, for sky does not rain gold or silver as Al Farouq `Umar ibn Al Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Therefore, I await a full explanation from you about the reasons of delay and the types of tests and analysis which you and your husband did in addition to the history of the test so as to give you the appropriate advice with the will of Allah.

I advise you to ask for forgiveness because asking for forgiveness is the key of sustenance as Nuh (Noah) (Peace be upon him) said to his people: "I said (to them): 'Ask forgiveness from your Lord, Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; * He will send you (from the sky) abundant rain. * And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers'" [Surat Nuh: 10 -12].

I advise you to invoke Allah frequently, especially, with the invocations of Prophet Zechariah (Peace be upon him): "And (remember) Zakariyyâ (Zechariah), when he cried to his Lord: "O My Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors." * So We answered his call, and We bestowed upon him Yahyâ (John), and cured his wife (to bear a child) for him. Verily, they used to hasten on to do good deeds, and they used to call on Us with hope and fear, and used to humble themselves before Us." [Surat Al Anbiya': 89 -90].

Perhaps Allah the Ever-Generous may answer your invocations as He responded to the supplications of His Prophet Zechariah (peace be upon him).

May Allah guide you in your study, grant you and your husband good children, now, not later. O Allah, Amen!

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