Disobedient Behaviour in the Child - Its Causes and Remedy (3/4)

Ill-treatment of children by the parents

Experts in child training are unanimous that ill-treatment has an adverse influence on children. Parents must not be too strict and harsh with them. They must not beat and scold them or belittle them time and again. If a child is humiliated and teased habitually, then this will reflect in his habits and manners. His activities will be clouded with awe and fear.

Sometimes, it may result in suicide, quarrelling with parents and murderous tendencies. To escape cruel treatment and beating, he may even run away from home. Such a child may turn out to be a criminal. Rebellion and immorality are prominent in such children. Islam advises parents and guardians that if they are civilised, tender and sympathetic to children, they will grow up as ideal youths. When children are given proper treatment, they grow up brave and confident and sense the respect and esteem given to them.

Allah, the Exalted, has commanded that we be fair to relatives and be prepared to help them. [1] He prefers that we control our temper, pardon others and condone their failures. [2] Allah, the Exalted, likes that we be tender-hearted[3] and declares hardness as a detestable characteristic.[4] If kindness were personified, nothing would have been more beautiful than it. Conversely, if hardness and rigidity were in human form nothing could have been uglier.[5] When you are compassionate to the children, they are obedient to you and you earn the mercy of Allah.[6] If you are benevolent, you will be shown mercy[7].

Therefore, be humane to them so that your children tread the right path. If you take up a wrong attitude with your children and are very strict and tyrannical with them and punish them severely, they will be disobedient and rebellious. You will have sown the seed of obstinacy in them.

A man complained to Hazrat Umar about his son’s disobedience. Hazrat Umar summoned the boy and reprimanded him. “O Leader of the Faithful”, the boy said, “has the son no right over his father?” “Why not, "was the reply. The boy asked, “What are those?” The Leader of the Faithful replied, “Select for him a good mother, give him a good name, and teach him the Noble Qur’an...” The boy interrupted, “My father has not given me any of these things. My mother is a Negro bond woman of a fire-worshipper. My name is Ja’l and it means ugly black. He has not taught me the Qur’an”. Hazrat Umar turned towards the father and said, “You complained to me that your son was disobedient. Before he could be realise it, you pushed him to rebellion yourself. You were the first to treat him negligently”.

Children are highly valued, loved ones and supporters of the parents. Parents are their sustainers and protectors —a comparison is drawn to the soft earth and the shade providing sky. If they request you for something, give it to them. If they are displeased, delight them. They will love you. Do not be very strict to them or they will be tired of you and may pray for deliverance from you[8].

When children view sexual and criminal films

Criminal and vulgar films have inflamed moral bankruptcy and lewdness in the society. Men and women mix together carelessly. Boys and girls have deflected off course. The same evil influence is cast by trash magazines that amplify sensual narration. Both young and old are swayed by these periodicals. These thoughts are implanted in raw, young minds and they unwittingly act on them. The result is that neither can the admonition of parents rectify them nor can the education of teachers obliterate the evil from their minds.

Islam has prescribed an excellent system and method for the training and correction of the children. These are:

1. Parents must keep children away from all that draws the anger of Allah against them. This is in conformity with the commands of Allah[9].

2. Parents and guardians must realise their duties and obligations in this respect. They will be questioned about it.

3. They must shelter the children from everything that is damaging to them and weakens their faith. Where Islam teaches us to protect ourselves from loss, it also instructs us not to cause damage to others[10].

4. They must screen the children from films and plays particularly those that lay emphasis on sex, violence and intrigue. They must protect them from trash reading material that ruins their character.

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